White Day New Resolutions

~ I decided to write two lists, and ended up writing four~

It’s a fact, there’re good people and bad people, respectively the likes and dislikes list.  I’m not getting along well with the bad ones, it’s another fact. Well I gotta say the truth, despite the fact one wear dark clothes stretch pants and leather jacket (okay fine and sometimes really high heels), doesn’t mean one is on the bad side.  But yeah I don’t like to hang out with the bad ones just to “network”. What’s networking ? Oh.. it’s just a Korean way to socialize with people because you either want to have something from them or you need their help or they are your coworkers (yes we have to stick together in Korea).

So I made two lists, the likes and dislikes (organized by name) and you can be sure the dislikes list will be subject sooner or later of deep thinking (I always thought that if I have a Business I will never hire them!), meanwhile the likes list will just turn eventually into a “Friends List” or why not .. “Contact List” on my cellphone. Well we’re not that far yet.

I used to be really energized in the past and doing things that I thought were “Good” and tossed the “Bad things” away, I always had good reasons to do what was good and good reasons for not doing what I thought was bad. But I came to realize that actually not a lot of people understand the reasons behind your good behavior. Meanwhile they dig up a lot to justify your “bad behaviors”. Nobody would think or question Why she did that? What was her motive ? Was she trying to be good to me?  Yeah, most of the time, I never do something thinking Oh well he might be so in pain after that, it can only be good for him/her !  Unless I’m a psychopath .. you know what I mean.

So I wrote another two lists to justify my acts. “I did it and I thought it was good” and “Why I think you have to go on the bad list”.

Here is the “I did it and I thought it was good, Because .. ” :

  1. I thought you would be able to graduate if I helped you to study
  2. I thought you would love that great job that would start your career if I gave you one
  3. I thought you would be happy if I gave you that .. expensive Calvin Klein thing
  4. I thought our friendship was true if I helped you without expecting anything in return
  5. I thought it was scientifically correct to think that way
  6. I thought you would like it if I do that for you (and I’m sorry if you didn’t)
  7. I thought that even thou you don’t like me, at least it would help you and bring you happiness

Here is the  “Why I think you have to go on the bad list, Because..” :

  1. I’m tired to be left behind when others know deliberately I’m just right here
  2. I’m tired to always gather people when they always forget me
  3. I’m tired to tell you everything when you just get benefit out of it and never tell me anything
  4. I’m tired to see that you are eating what I bought for everyone and then don’t even say Hi in the morning
  5. I’m tired to see that after one year you don’t even remember my name even thou we’re sitting next to each other and we meet 5 times per day. 
  6. I’m tired to help you and then you don’t even ask me “Hi How are you?” the minute I’m away
  7. I’m tired to always think my best of what cake would make you happy for your bday meanwhile you didn’t even remember mine, and you were watching  from outside me crying on my bday.
  8. I’m tired to always do work for you when you almost kill me with you words sharp like a knife in front of my Advisor
  9. I’m tired to always count on you when you’re not here for me (meanwhile I’ve ALWAYS been here for you)
  10. I’m tired to pretend to friendship when you can’t even say you know me in front of others
  11. I’m tired to hear you saying shit about me when I’ve never talked to you, not even once
  12. I’m tired that after all the help you’ve never care not even one second of my being

According to personal statistics Girls are always doing better than Guys when it comes to help a female friend. I’ve met some good guys too, but they are minority haha. And vice-versa for guys. My bad people list is mostly fill up with horrible guys or jealous girls, and my good people list is mainly girls that I knew for years or guys who were interested at a some point .. Sad but true. I’ve never done anything to anyone that was intentionally bad, I’ve never wish anything bad even to the ones I dislike,  I’ve always wish the best to all disregarding my own feeling, why isn’t there an once of peace I don’t know, but your behavior cannot silence me. I will always say what I think is right and wrong. Who can handle so much hate and indifference, there’s not enough indignation in this world but my words won’t stay unheard. Nothing can silence pain, not even justice, not even your friend. Every human being has a right to happiness and does not need to hear nor bear your cyclic moody decisions..

Too many tears already.

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