Life is a Witch! Speaking not allowed

Isn’t communication the most important thing between human beings?

I cannot agree with people who deprive you from words, I cannot agree with silence, I cannot agree with indifference. Words are freedom, words are your way of expression, words are you laughs and your tears, words are everything to a human being. Slavery was exactly the state where people didn’t listen to other’s words, to other’s freedom. I would definitely picture slavery and the act of submission as being one. No difference in between, both end up as taking advantage of life meanwhile neglecting freedom.

As my friend says “You’re too pure”, maybe I was too naive as well. Staring at what seems colorful and enjoyable from here, now I can see with my own eyes what it has been build upon, I can feel people’s true feeling and I can hear their thoughts. It makes me feel sad to see so much hate, so much anger and such few love. Yes I’m mad sometimes, but I cannot hate, I cannot even say something bad, otherwise I would hate myself, I can only forbid myself to say the obvious and love them and feel sorry that they don’t see the World as I see it. There’s no hiding and smiling anymore, you cannot stay silent in a society of indifference, you cannot keep teaching kids what they have been told to do until now. When time comes to change, you will see how delicate words could be to a child, a parent, a son, a friend. Maybe some will understand how fragile communication is, and why you cannot deprive others around you to show them your inner self, with your own words.

What are words for you? For me it’s my best way to give and inspire Love.

Marina

Life is a witch! Critical Time Limit on my Crystal Skull

Do you always plan every decision you take ? 

It’s driving me nuts to see people wondering for hours “Should I go or not?’ .. just go and figure it out later. I usually plane everything in advance but it never works, it works best when I don’t plan anything. Most of the critical decisions were taken in a fragment of seconds based on my own feeling, the one pending on the tip of my nose pointing in the same direction of my ears and my tail.

Coming to Korea was hard, it took me one full year of preparations, deciding to get on the plane was a 5 minutes decision, a highly critical 5 minutes. And I wasn’t sure until the very last minute I got on board if that was the best decision or not. There are indeed millions of roads to take that would lead you to the same point. My goal was to come here, I could have been an English Teacher (not exactly what you like to do the most when your major is Biochemistry), I could have been employed by a Pharmaceutical Company (but then what do I do with just a B.S. ?? being a slave hasn’t been my dream to start off) and I could have been a student (which I did..). Figuring out which road to take and which car to ride was indeed part of the decision process, but not the hardest, eventually I tried to get a degree as a first destination, then a career mold as a second destination, then a family life and a personal satisfaction as a final destination. Once I got accepted to this random University I had to book my flight tickets, get Nina’s paper for the Quarantine Service, get her flight ticket and get in the plane.. Taking the decision to get in the plane was actually the hardest step, my mind was already there but my legs wouldn’t go.. Go figure. My friend who gave me a ride to the airport that morning wasn’t helping either.. an hour before we left home I told him I wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do and he answered me ..

Of course this is not the right thing to do, I came from Korea to Canada that was hell, nobody wants to live there except you, now I gotta go to work in an hour so take your decision fast, you have 10 minutes. So are you going or not ? 

Well that wasn’t helping.. During those 5 critical minutes the easy shortest-road just appeared on my map, I just stopped asking myself if it was right or not, just got on the plane and landed 15 hours later in Seoul. I thought that 2 years is not that long and anyway I will ask myself again the same question when it comes to decide for my PhD.

I had various episodes of this kind, where decision were made in less than 5 minutes and the outcome wasn’t so bad after all!

Before going to Africa we saw this add on the newspaper, I asked my friend if he wanted to go with me of I had to go there alone, he told me that I would die going there alone so we should go together. Next morning I was landing in Africa with a E.coli virus, people speaking weird languages around me and the muslim ‘priest’, whatever you call it, asked me to “Please wear something, wear that scarf!!” meanwhile praying in Arabic. I wanted to learn from a new country .. mission accomplished.

Still in Africa, this $20 free fall promotion was also a very neat decision as simple as “It can’t be dangerous, let’s go!”. 10 minutes later I was in the air with my parachute, screaming and praying Aaaaaaaah What are these holes in the wing?!!! 

Adopting a Chinchillas was a straightforward one minute decision, at that time my old hamster passed so I needed a new pet to live with me.. We went to the pet store with my friend and I saw this huge ball of fur as big as my fist and jumping all around, that looked like a smart pet to me.  “What’s that?” I asked the girl “A Chinchillas” she said. “Chinchillas, funny name eh, give me one, the grey one who’s jumping all over the place” so I bought our Chinchillas for $200 without knowing that I was signing up a contract for a very very very very very long time together .. We then proceed to the cashier with my Chinchilla in my arms and the cashier was quite surprise to see someone buying Chinchillas, she told me “Oh I got one too at home” (Me) “No kidding how old is yours?” (The Girl) “Mine is 15 years old” (ME) “15?? That must be a very old one!” (The girl) “No! They live up to 20 years!!” (Me close to have a heart attack..) ” OMFG You said 20 ? It’s too late to exchange for a hamster right? .. Yeah I knew it..” .. And I went back home with my 2 months old Chinchillas~! Yes he still lives happily with my family and no I don’t have any picture sorry. Good night!!

Don’t think too hard, All roads lead to Rome anyway..

Dreams Interpretation

Page 127, Chapter 21, “How to grow up in one night” for dummies. 

We had this old book at home titled “Dreams Interpretation”, it was given to us  by my grandmother who also received it from her grandmother and so this book has been in my family for decades, we “owned” it at a point that I thought  one of us might have wrote it too .. No, none of us wrote this thing, nor ever read it, and still it was sitting here on the book shelves pilling up dust and clear interpretations of dreams. I’ve never thought I would read it either but interestingly I found myself digging up internet to understand the significance of that weird dream I had on Monday night. I had a bunch of weird dreams before, but never like that one. My dream started with a very long and stressful day at work. In the evening I was going to watch a play with my friend, we entered the amphitheater, I needed to pee of course, so I dropped by the washroom and Oh Surprise! I found two dead girls ! Weird isn’t it? I woke up sweating but not scared, just .. sweating profusely. Humans have weird dreams when their body is under stress, when the room is too cold or too hot, so you’re body would interpret this situation with a melo-drama fruit salad mix up with your memories. An average grad student doesn’t dream about dead girls every night so I thought that either we have a clear explanation this time or I’m getting retarded.  I double checked my IQ, I think we’re still fine on that side so it would be about time to go back to grandma’s book “Dream Interpretation”.

According to my findings, dreams like those have multiple possible explanations. I’ve reviewed everything in the internet underworld, The Islamic Dream Dictionary, The Christian Dream Dictionary, The catholic-non-christian Dream Dictionary, The online forum Yahoo Answers, The online board of Dream Interpretation and the online free interpretation of your dreams by a psycho-analyst whatever. After a deep analysis, interpretation, conclusion, those kind of dreams are a warning that you are leaving behind you the little girl you used to be to grow up one big time (mentally, not physically) and make your first step in the grown up world. Well well well….. well WELL! I was shocked reading that. I thought that I already grew up 12 years ago, I thought that handling BSc, MS and PhD plus having a part time job was the very end of it, I thought that I would be a student forever, I thought that I would have to survive on free samples of noodles or bread on my luckiest days.. I guess everything has an end, even your deepest thoughts.

My dear friend in Toronto told me a million times that I might be smart and working hard it doesn’t avoid me to be stupid at times. He was right, once again. God forgive me for all my stupidness I committed today and every other day. This dream actually made me realized that, indeed, we all have to be responsible, think carefully, act carefully, leave away the ones who don’t like you, get closer to your real sense, get away from the stress and the unnecessary, get closer to your goal and to yourself. If you do everything you think is right, if you don’t let your emotions be on the top of your head (and God forgive me for every time I lived my life at the edge of my emotions), if you meet your inner self and inner peace you will achieve what you woke up for every morning.  Why is that important ? All of us are working hard to have one thing, peace of mind. It doesn’t matter if you like money, if you want to have a big house when you retire, if you like to travel or whatever else, it matters to understand that all of us are striving to achieve our own goals.  Agree or disagree with it, do as you wish, but disregarding this matter is the same as disrespecting your peers and preventing them from moving forward. No one would like to have an idiot on its way of learning, so if you don’t want to be that idiot always see people as you see yourself. It is time for me to leave behind that little girl, until I leave behind another little girl part of myself. I have decided to wake up tomorrow morning as my new self, to leave behind 29 years of history, 30 years old will be my new hallmark on my forehead from now on. Good night.

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Page 130, Chapter 22 , “How to start from the beginning again” for dummies. 

Studying in Korea

 Have you ever thought about studying in Seoul ? If yes, just go back to sleep like it never happened. 

Still awake ? Alright let’s talk then. FYI what I’m about to say is only in Seoul, things are a lot BETTER outside of Seoul, thankfully. Back in Toronto, I had a dream, I wanted to study, to publish, become bilingual Korean/English, use great Korean Technology for my Research, get closer to the Hospital and farther from the lab, learn from my advisor, give the best of my help to his lab, establish a strong relationship between us and make sure he would always remember our collaboration as the best idea he had to bring me here. That was my dream.

It never happened that way, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this on internet. A few things are driving me upset and I thought that who ever wants to study in Korea should be aware of those things. I truly love Korea and will never regret coming here. Studying in Korea thou .. that’s a different topic. I’ve wrote a long time-line referencing everything that happened until today, I wanted to show the whole internet underworld that no matter what people think I’m not responsible for everything that goes wrong in this lab, racism hate and irresponsible behaviors are unfortunately the answer. I guess I’m too mad to show those 14 points that I wrote right now, I am so angry that no good can come out of my mouth  so I decide to hold it a bit and see how it will end up. Maybe in the course of an other emotional day I will write it again, don’t worry those lines are engraved in my memory and will never go away.

At which cost did I survive until today ? I invested a lot to come here and abandoned a lot too, to gain only people’s hate, people’s lies and people’s childish behavior. I  gave up my consulting job in Toronto, I gave up my right to be an American citizen, I lost my friends (5 so far, and especially my best friend), I lost money, I might not be able to get a good lab for my PhD, I didn’t learn Korean, I didn’t study Biochemistry as I wanted, I didn’t publish, my advisor has never been proud of me (since he doesn’t see what’s going on here), it will be hard for me to get a Job since I didn’t publish yet, I probably won’t be able to get married if I can’t get into a PhD Program in Seoul, I had 3 surgeries and lost 10 pounds, I lost faith and lost hope that Good Research can be done in this University.

On the other side, outside of Seoul I’ve discovered a whole new World called Jinju (진주 means pearl in Korean). Back in October 2011 a PhD from Germany hired me part-time as a professional Translator-Interpret English/Korean for his consulting firm. Thanks to that person I’ve learnt how to finish my project and move on to PhD. I’ve met great people in Jinju that are not obsessed with the English language. I’ve met friends, good friends. I’ve met people willing to teach me the Korean Culture and Language, people who actually worry for you when they don’t see you for two minutes, I’ve met truly good-hearted ones who wished me to “Meet someone good in Jinju”. I’ve met Korea the way I dreamed about it when I was in Toronto, I’ve met my roots and I’ve met inner peace.

마마 make my dreams come true and I will remember you ..

Limit of the human brain

Just to tell you mine has none

It started in High School, back when I was 16 or something .. I’ve always loved/hated people with all my heart, but then I started to wonder why and how can someone be sooooo stupid.. What seemed obvious to me wasn’t that obvious to others, this is what my Psychology Teacher later taught me to be a limit of the human brain. We were all educated in some way by our parents to respect rules, and your brain would just admit it’s “Okay” to do so if it was previously established has a rule. In plain english, you’re trained to do not think too much. Well I guess my training didn’t work out that well or my parents must I’ve been busy. Thankfully you’re not considered as mentally sick if you bypass rules as long as you respect the law (which I did except for a few tickets for speeding.. Oh and my car was towed in NY a couple of times). Anyway, I’m fine with the law, I’m not fine with abusing rules, and those questioning the inquestionable-obvious answer.

And let me tell you something, I’ve never been good with two kind of people : secretaries (receptionists) and any bank’s branch staff. I think it started when I was 16 when the Dean’s secretary wouldn’t make a copy of my transcript. I got into the office with a very simple question :

Hi- Can you make a copy of my transcript really fast ? Her answer was a straightforward NO.

We don’t make copy for students it’s against the rule. 

Alright show me the rule later and make a copy now, it’s kinda urgent if you don’t mind. Better than an answering machine her answer was the same :

It’s against the rule. 

Alright missy, now the patience-meter just dropped to zero, I’m not asking a copy of my pictures, I needed a copy of my transcript to go to the next building and give it to that other idiot who looked just like that one. So you move your little fingers, press that little green button and give me my damn copy of my TRANSCRIPTS.

She told my mom I was rude .. I wasn’t rude I was saying facts. Does it take a PhD to do that ?? I mean if it’s too hard to understand I can make the question even simpler. Press the button Darn! I won, don’t worry, I won and I came back 5 other times for the same copy during the last year of high school until they finally removed that stupid rule (they didn’t remove the secretary thou..)

Another of her kind was at TD Canada Trust in Toronto Ontario, where this Chinese guy (no racism intended) took my check card and asked me :

Wow gracias hablas Espanol ? My eyes suddenly went from sleepy state to question mark state I’m sorry .. what did you just say ?

Oh you don’t speak Spanish? I double checked my watch it was saying 2PM so that wasn’t a dream, then I checked my GPS it was saying Toronto so I’ve never teleported to Cuba.. I’m in the middle of Ontario right now, I need to deposit this check into my account in the next 10 minutes and fly back to work.. and FYI NO I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH. So that guy was like

Oh so you’re from Russia? You’re first name it’s a Russian first name isn’t it? I’m WTF WHAT ? Russian?? Is he mentally okay?? I just gave up and went to the green machine instead.. at least I know this thing is programmed to speak only one language : English, with no question.

Another one from TD was 2 days ago, and that was hilarious. My VISA card was blocked, I couldn’t use it in Korea since 7 days ago, so I called TD and they told me it was blocked by the Fraud Department. In a moment of panic I thought someone else cloned my Card and spent all my money on my bank account. They transferred me to the fraud Department and here is what they said ..

We detected some unusual activities on your account since 2011 and saw that you spent a big $50 on Gmarket, that’s suspicious can you confirm it was you? Yes indeed I’m guilty of buying cosmetics on Gmarket .. Okay next suspicious activity ?

Oh and there’s an other $50 at Lumie Hair Salon, can you confirm ? Guilty again, indeed it was me. So that’s it?

Yes, we’ve blocked your card when these two appeared on the screen. Alright, did you notice I’ve paid tuition fee $1,000 each month with my card? No? Alright .. what about the $700 at the same Hair Salon for laser treatment ? Still no ? Okay.. then the $3,000 for my surgery, didn’t see that one either I guess ? WELL.. good to see that the TD Fraud Department was worrying for $50 spent on Gmarket meanwhile I used my card every day while in Korea for 12 months. I can see we can always count on you if something happens! (or almost)

TD Fraud Dept. – F.A.I.L.E.D .. Breathe, breathe huuuuuu !

Another secretary one .. was kind of .. questioning. That young lady sent an email to 5 people for a meeting where lunch was provided, I went to that meeting and saw 4 plates. Interesting. Maybe I wasn’t suppose to go there ? So I asked her Was I actually invited or you sent me that email by mistake ?  She almost looked at me like I was stupid and said Of course you’re invited you have to attend this meeting. Enright explain the missing plate to me later.

Went back to the meeting room, we started 15 minutes late, the speaker started his presentation (oh God that presentation took forever) and waited .. and waited.. everyone was eating their lunch except me. I was still wondering if I was really invited or not, meanwhile the secretary came back and forth 10 times in the room without noticing that OMG the speaker doesn’t have any lunch ! So I texted her .. Is Mr.ㅇㅇ vegetarian ? No she answered, what a stupid question. I texted her again Is he on a diet then ?? Absolutely not according to her, why do I bother anyway ?? On her 11th trip to the meeting room, the presentation was almost over after 2 long hours, her eyes went big wide open and finally I saw a big red face with a look that says OH MY GOD ONLY 4 LUNCH BOXES !! There you go .. I don’t know if counting up to 5 is a hard task or maybe it takes a PhD to do that ..   it took her two hours, amazing isn’t it ?

ANYWAY.. we all have different standards and limits, meanwhile I still think that common sense is not given to everyone.

Let’s finish with a set of unnecessary questions :

(My family) Did you go back to work ? Which work ?? I’m a student remember ?

(My friend) Did you survive Korea ? A.I’m still in Korea B.If I didn’t you wouldn’t be talking to me right now.

(The receptionist) I asked him Hey what’s your name btw ? He answered My name ? Yeah your name I’m not amnesic yet I remember mine.

(The copy center) I told her I need 5 copies please. (The copy girl) Okay so how many copy you need ? (Me) I just told you 5. (The copy girl) So that would be 5 ? .. Yes yes 5 as in 5,000 and then I won’t show up to pick it up nor to pay, double moron.

(My other friend) I don’t know how to write my SOI for university.  I explained to him everything over the phone for 15 minutes, in details, then he goes Okay I got it but how do I write this SOI ? I just explained to you.. you want me to repeat or what ?

(My female friend, in 2010) I told her I’m going to NY for Christmas to visit my parents and she goes “Oh so are you going to the US?” Most likely yes.. unless we have NY in Canada..

Think with your brain folks, it helps. 

What do I miss ?

  1. I miss my room in Toronto, always warm, always sunny in the morning, no mold on the wall, nobody pucking in front of my door, so quiet and a perfect roomy.
  2. I miss Koreatown, hodo kwaja are a lot better in Toronto than here in Korea (Go figure why lol)
  3. I miss my friend who was always dropping by our house whenever I was cooking.. and his famous quote “What’s THAT on the counter? Did you cook that?  When do we eat that ?” .. I’ve never been 100% sure if he actually liked it or if he was really wondering what was THAT thing on the counter.
  4. I miss our hot boiling beer and greazy fries at St. Louis until early morning with my friends,  plus or minus some slight fights due to minor cultural differences with Yonge and Finch locals. By cultural difference, I mean these guys from Aurora who were pretending living at Yonge and Finch and don’t even know the difference between North and South Korea.
  5. I miss my Daddy asking me if I’ve been to North Korea yet. It’s been two weeks I didn’t hear that again, I’m wondering if he is Okay..
  6. I miss doing my friend’s Biology homework until 2pm on Christmas Eve meanwhile being in NYC with my parents. Then going for a drink at St.Louis with my other friend and complaining of the fact that I always end up doing his homework.
  7. I miss my job and earning money without thinking what should I study for tomorrow morning. High hourly rate, great life, stressless future .. except when you decide to go back to study for another 4 years. What a wonderful idea I got .. Awesome.
  8. I miss TIM HORTONS. I can’t believe we don’t have it in Korea yet ! What a shame.. Who wants to bring it here will be rich for sure.
  9. I miss my long hair I’m not sure why I cut it so short.. I must have reached the insanity level at some point
  10. I miss playing piano, I didn’t know it was so hard to find piano in Korea.. What ? Is it a sin to play piano here ??

NOW .. What I do NOT miss :

  1. I don’t miss the Chinese guy from TD at Yonge and Finch, trying to talk to me in Spanish while I’m sitting in the middle of Ontario in CA.NA.DA Sir !!
  2. I don’t miss the fat guy from the parking lot at Bay and Bloor  pissing off my friends meanwhile giving me some winks.
  3. I don’t miss my Grade 12 teaching job .. heck I hate marking mid-terms and finals.
  4. I don’t miss the overly-burned-Starbucks-Americano, since we have it here and it still tastes like they rot the beans for 37,000 years 24/7.
  5. I don’t miss my iPhone since I discovered Samsung Note in Korea haha
  6. I don’t miss the snow (okay fine I miss the snow .. but I don’t miss shoveling the snow off my friend’s car when it’s minus 20 something)
  7. I don’t miss Quebec – I had to say it haha
  8. I don’t miss this stupid stop in Buffalo before arriving in NYC..
  9. I don’t miss Organic Chemistry 3 and I’m glad I tossed away those 2 heavy and useless books.
  10. I don’t miss waiting for my friend in Kipling at 5pm when it’s already dark, snowy, cold and freaking scary to be alone there. Yeah I like the summer better, who doesn’t.

I miss but I don’t regret. I don’t miss but I know I will regret later. Learning is a tiring ever lasting task..

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Upload of pictures tomorrow 4/11!! 

Don’t miss it !

Computer Issue- Upload MAYBE Monday Morning

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